REMINDER FOR DARK DAYS

"Stand back and accept.'...' Accept that you don't understand anything what is going on around you.'..'Accept that you have no way of even imagining what is happening. And accept your pain, too. And thank God for it.”

When life seems super dark and nothing makes sense, you need to understand two things; Firstly, I think its the acceptance and the understanding of the fact that you are the only person capable of bringing light in this darkness. There is no one who'd go out and fetch the lantern which will drive the darkness away.

Secondly, give it time without letting it affect you.

Your entire focus should be on the effort that while this wave passes, it affects me a minimum.

Don't waste your energy on trying to drive the darkness away first. You will do that but after it has taken its due time. You'll know when the time is right. That would be the time for you to take charge and fetch light and probably start putting up a fight too. But don't exhaust yourself initially fighting the intruder, know that it's here to stay for a while.

Don't let the murkiness consume you or drive you into self-pity. Let the sadness take its time. Don't rush Please don't rush my love. Don't be hasty looking for happiness amidst the sadness. Don't let it consume you. Just let it be. Try if you can but it will take its take so let it be.

"When there is great pain, there are only three rules: not to push the pain away, not to try to understand it, and not to indulge in it...Make yourself as open as a young tree caught in a storm. Let the storm bend you at its will, do not resist it, do not argue with it either- how could one argue with the wind and the rain?- and never ever feel sorry for yourself.”

Comments

morning

tonight I'd like to step out of my body. place it gently on a couch and cover it with a soft blanket. then id like to sit on a rock by the sea. with ' dancing with your ghost' playing in the background, i'll write you a letter. i will finally feel free of the consequences of my hasty decisions I stay up all night Tell myself I'm alright Baby, you're just harder to see than most i will start by telling you that i meant every word i said, i said it because i felt it in the moment. I will once again compliment the shade of your skin before realizing i am doing it again. Every night I'm dancing with your ghost Every night I'm dancing with your ghost i will finally tell you that i am choking on all the love i have for you and that i want to be free again. i will write about how i want to have fewer things to worry about, a tear or two will drop and smudge some ink on the paper Never got the chance To say a last goodbye I gotta move on But it hurts to try I...

all the unfinished pieces from last few months!

damp roads after autumn rains and the memories of everything calm. the thought of getting older. the night i broke your heart. i don't regret it but i think of you every time my heart hurts. adat instrumental plays in the background rn. how do you feel about adult life? -------------------------------- i am trying to wear eyeliner even on days when my eyebrows are not done and wear extra rings even when my hands are not waxed. its difficult, i haven't been able to convince myself but i am trying to love my body even on days when it doesn't really fulfill society's beauty standards. ----------------------------------------- when you have lived in more than one place, be it a sleepover at a friend's or someone's heart or an actual non-metaphorical house made of concrete walls, you will always long for more. sometimes it will be the people you love, other times it will be material things, the peace and the quiet. ---------------------------------------------------...

2007

i visited my old house today. i think it was the only place i called home with all my heart but maybe that was because that's all i knew back then. i forced my tears back as i found the hole in the backyard wall, i had found a lizard's egg in there once and had been excited for an entire week, i could still trace out the cracks on the footpath outside the gate because i cycled on it for years trying to keep the wheel on the line. the orange tree that baba planted is now almost 10ft tall and the other tree that our old gardner planted is now double the size. the new residents are not taking care of the lawn very well, the lokaat tree is uprooted and there are no flowering plants. there is a small bench where we had our dhaniya and podina leaves the sky was too pretty today and a strong wind blew as i entered the gate, almost like i was in the middle of a movie the neighbor's gate which was our makeshift swing is now gone but the flowers i used as veggies in pretend play...

patronus

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