It weighs heavy on my chest like a pile of bricks
and a dark night around me. It keeps coming back like a boomerang hitting me
harder than before, discrete yet stronger than the last time. It often drains
me of all my energy. Robs me of all my determination to move on and submit. I
am an amalgam of anguish and strength. I am twilight, the stir of lively
evenings and sad sunsets. I’m autumn as well, a blend of bright summers and the approaching cold.
I am all this but I am also myself, my vivid self, who stays put no matter what. and I sometimes think if all of this happened to add more colors to my emotional
spectrum? to make me understand the coexistence of so many contradictions?
i visited my old house today. i think it was the only place i called home with all my heart but maybe that was because that's all i knew back then. i forced my tears back as i found the hole in the backyard wall, i had found a lizard's egg in there once and had been excited for an entire week, i could still trace out the cracks on the footpath outside the gate because i cycled on it for years trying to keep the wheel on the line. the orange tree that baba planted is now almost 10ft tall and the other tree that our old gardner planted is now double the size. the new residents are not taking care of the lawn very well, the lokaat tree is uprooted and there are no flowering plants. there is a small bench where we had our dhaniya and podina leaves the sky was too pretty today and a strong wind blew as i entered the gate, almost like i was in the middle of a movie the neighbor's gate which was our makeshift swing is now gone but the flowers i used as veggies in pretend play...
Big wowww.. it's gonna be my forever fvrt 💕
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