patronus

One of us moved a little closer to mama's dream today. 

Some of us have parents who come from dysfunctional and disloyal families. We inherit their traumas and pain along with their features. We fight our parents' battles. Some of us are really tired and exhausted. Some of us are still not protected from the darkness despite our parents' frequent attempts. It shades our sitting rooms and brings silence over the dining tables. Some of you are responsible for it and you won't be spared.  

I see people waste themselves, exploit themselves in the name of love, and for  being there for someone  and I wonder if there's something wrong with me or if I lack the perspective to look at things the way other people do. My sister called me 'cold-hearted' the other day. I wonder if I really have lost my warmth in the process of protecting myself?  

A سب کو عام رکھتی ہو کسی کو خاص نہیں کیا تم نے؟" تمھیں کیوں لگتا ہے کہ ہر شخص تم سے  جنگ لڑ رہا ہے؟ کیوں خود کو اتنا محفوظ اتنا اکیلا کر کہ بیٹھی  ہو؟ کس سے ڈرتی ہو؟ تمھیں لگتا ہے تم قلعے میں رہو گی  تو سب ٹھیک رہے گا؟ !ایسے نہیں  ہوتا میرے جان  یہ قانون نہیں  ہے اس دنیا کا  جو لکھا ہے وہ  ہوگا ، تم بچ نہی سکو گی. دل بھی ٹوٹے گا اور غرور بھی  ہم سب پر کوئی  نہ کوئی دسترس رکھتا ہے  "ہم سب کسی نہ کسی کے  ہاتھوں ٹوٹتے ہیں بیشک جتنا  بھی  خیال کر لیں  15.08.20 I.M

I look at the educational gap in my country, I suffer at trying to travel across this gap and I think about my teachers, the faculty who had the authority, the power, the capability to push us harder, to make us do better. to at least recommend us some books to make our brains better than the lazy goofs we are right now.  I think about all those hours of Islamic studies and Pakistan studies lectures which were nothing but cramped rote learning. They had the power to at least arrange a seminar weekly or maybe monthly. I look around and realize I can't even bridge the educational gap in my own country, how am I supposed to survive the international studies. How am I supposed to survive the self-esteem issues that would accompany all this? how all this will shatter my confidence, probably shade my abilities too.

"Stand back and accept.'...' Accept that you don't understand anything what is going on around you.'..'Accept that you have no way of even imagining what is happening. And accept your pain, too. And thank God for it.” When life seems super dark and nothing makes sense, you need to understand two things; Firstly, I think its the acceptance and the understanding of the fact that you are the only person capable of bringing light in this darkness. There is no one who'd go out and fetch the lantern which will drive the darkness away. Secondly, give it time without letting it affect you. Your entire focus should be on the effort that while this wave passes, it affects me a minimum. Don't waste your energy on trying to drive the darkness away first. You will do that but after it has taken its due time. You'll know when the time is right. That would be the time for you to take charge and fetch light and probably start putting up a fight too. But don't e...

You might be a mere collection of buildings, bricks, and concrete for most of the people out there but not for me. you are a living memory capable of stirring the strongest nostalgia waves in me. that's what you are for me. I still remember the first day Abba took me to you, back in 2004. As we turned the corner and your mighty gate became visible, I felt the lump in my throat. I wanted to go back home. 12 years later at home. I wanted to go back to you. You gave me everything from self-confidence to love to heartbreak to life long lessons. you gave me my identity. you turned me into whatever I am today. good or bad; I'm yours. Remember when I used to forget every worry after I entered you. how you embraced me. you were my haven. home away from home, long before I took refuge in books written by strangers. but you were no stranger. you knew me so well as I knew you. you witnessed my transformation into a strong teenager from a fragile dumb four years old. I rememb...