تو ہوا جیسے گھل جاتا ہے مجھ میں

Bridgerton season 2 drops tomorrow and I miss you a little more today.

I teared up when you told me about the new addition to the family. I remember the day you mentioned he was coming and it made me so happy, you trusted me with this little secret of your family. I can't believe we've come so far that I wouldn't have known about it if I hadn't asked.

You were always the kinder one, noticing the ants on the footpath and changing your way so that they won't be crushed under our dirty boots. you knew where to find the gloomy and annoying friend on his worst days.

You would always look beyond people's flaws, always ready to give a second chance. I hated you for not prioritizing yourself, for being friends with people who were clearly bad for you.

I miss you and your habit of trying new drinks every day. I don't think I can ever let go of the safety of buying milo and guava flavors every day. I don't think I can move on from the safety of old friends easily too.

You'll always be the one to carry chunky sneakers so well and I will always be the sleek flats and heels person. We were so different but we got along so well. there was happiness in me calling you out for your gross food combos and you giving up on my dislike for animes. There was happiness in the annoyance of you sending the same meme to a hundred people and being on your phone while I narrated my latest heartbreak. There was happiness in you secretly making videos of me while I cried watching kal ho na ho for the 20th time. There was so much happiness in you waking me up for nashta on weekends despite me being a cranky-not-a-morning person.

We knit our friendship so beautifully around all our differences. We hid them in the middle like gems and guarded them with the chemistry we had.

I miss the to-do list before graduation that we made on your phone. wish I had a copy of it too. I think we only ticked 40% of the items.

I miss crashing on your bed on bad days and holding your hand. A class fellow told me she was surprised that I hugged her on a Wednesday morning because she remembered me telling her in the first semester that I don't like hugging or holding hands. I never told you but you changed that in me and it will always stay with me. I hold hands with W in the mall now and when she crashes in my room after a bad jury. I hold hands with my roommate when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I hug her and soothe her hair till she feels safe enough to fall asleep again. I give my sister big fat frequent hugs now. it isn't really like me but it feels comfortable now.

I don't know if I want you back in my life, what you did still hurts but I miss you. Looking forward to the day when your absence will hurt more than your presence.

Comments

2007

i visited my old house today. i think it was the only place i called home with all my heart but maybe that was because that's all i knew back then. i forced my tears back as i found the hole in the backyard wall, i had found a lizard's egg in there once and had been excited for an entire week, i could still trace out the cracks on the footpath outside the gate because i cycled on it for years trying to keep the wheel on the line. the orange tree that baba planted is now almost 10ft tall and the other tree that our old gardner planted is now double the size. the new residents are not taking care of the lawn very well, the lokaat tree is uprooted and there are no flowering plants. there is a small bench where we had our dhaniya and podina leaves the sky was too pretty today and a strong wind blew as i entered the gate, almost like i was in the middle of a movie the neighbor's gate which was our makeshift swing is now gone but the flowers i used as veggies in pretend play...

j u n e

Ever since I met you, I walk with my heart in one hand and an ancient dagger in the other. Blood dripping off, leaving marks, they'd be tough to wash faint rusty stains will linger forever if not crimson and the brown tint will also float amidst the hazel sea --------------------- I don't recognize the figure that stares back at me in the mirror anymore so many lies lies and lies --------------------- I drew my old home today tried to transfer everything on paper because I am forgetting the details details of the only building I called home with all my heart the heart that I carry in my hand now with blood dripping I think some of the details dripped there as I made room for the details of your existence I couldn't remember how long the window from the dining room to the courtyard was and which shelf were the books on was it the middle one or the last one I think there was a vase with pink flowers in the middle one like the flowers growing...

maze

stay. sit with me let me love you wholeheartedly today, under the sky with the 22nd moon. let me tell u how i'm renaming things, changing meanings My hands smell of garlic, green chilies, and my moisturizer. funny how artificial soups and handwash liquids cant overpower the natural fragrances. Let's sit on the terrace today or maybe on the couch and keep the windows open. ill tell you about the new eye pencil i used today. it's so bad it smudged under my eyes by the time i came back home, making me look more tired than i already was. I'll make u chaye and make some green tea for myself. I'll wear my favorite socks yes i know it's hot for socks now but i dont care i hope u don't as well. "have you ever been to the beach?" "yes but not the one at home. wo shehr nahi pasand" tell me about your day. how was the traffic and the new restaurant you tried? do you like when your pillow smells like your shampoo or is it too familiar now? were the...

patronus

Search This Blog