Skip to main content

STEP UP DARLING

I went to your second home on the last day of June. I don't know why I am referring to that place as your second home but I think thats how humans are, we tend to make everything dramatic and slightly sad or maybe I am like this. khair. It is so pretty, so peaceful I can't even begin to explain. You know I always thought my city was the most peaceful place to live but that's where I want to live ab bas.

So I figured out a few things there. I have completely gotten over you because that place, those roads, and trees didn't remind me of you, although I have always associated that vicinity with you but today I feel like I superimposed some new goals and some new memories on those old associations. 

I overheard two ladies at the cafe (I didn't mean to, I was just passing by with my order, they had self-service there, makes sense right?) so I heard them talk about male to female officers ratio and stuff and I saw people running for a better version and better future for themselves and believe me although the semester ended I have never been more motivated to be somewhere and be someone so strong and powerful and successful. 

That place is now my reference of motivation, there's something about it, in its air and the trees and the roads that make you want to be somewhere high and huge and important.

And maybe that's why I called it your 'second home' in the start, so that I can call it something else, in the end, map my growth, the change in my heart. I wish you all the best but I don't wish to be with you anymore. There is so much more I have to wish for, so much I have to work for.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

j u n e

Ever since I met you, I walk with my heart in one hand and an ancient dagger in the other.  Blood dripping off, leaving marks, they'd be tough to wash faint rusty stains will linger forever if not crimson and the brown tint will also float amidst the hazel sea --------------------- I don't recognize the figure that stares back at me in the mirror anymore so many lies  lies and lies --------------------- I drew my old home today tried to transfer everything on paper  because I am forgetting the details  details of the only building I called home with all my heart  the heart that I carry in my hand now with blood dripping  I think some of the details dripped there as I made room for the details of your existence  I couldn't remember how long the window from the dining room to the courtyard was and which shelf were the books on  was it the middle one or the last one I think there was a vase with pink flowers in the middle one like the flowers growing...
Post a Comment
Read more

2007

i visited my old house today. i think it was the only place i called home with all my heart but maybe that was because that's all i knew back then. i forced my tears back as i found the hole in the backyard wall, i had found a lizard's egg in there once and had been excited for an entire week,  i could still trace out the cracks on the footpath outside the gate because i cycled on it for years trying to keep the wheel on the line. the orange tree that baba planted is now almost 10ft tall and the other tree that our old gardner planted is now double the size.  the new residents are not taking care of the lawn very well, the lokaat tree is uprooted and there are no flowering plants. there is a small bench where we had our dhaniya and podina leaves  the sky was too pretty today and a strong wind blew as i entered the gate, almost like i was in the middle of a movie the neighbor's gate which was our makeshift swing is now gone but the flowers i used as veggies in pretend play...
Post a Comment
Read more

all the unfinished pieces from last few months!

damp roads after autumn rains and the memories of everything calm. the thought of getting older. the night i broke your heart. i don't regret it but i think of you every time my heart hurts. adat instrumental plays in the background rn. how do you feel about adult life?  -------------------------------- i am trying to wear eyeliner even on days when my eyebrows are not done and wear extra rings even when my hands are not waxed. its difficult, i haven't been able to convince myself but i am trying to love my body even on days when it doesn't really fulfill society's beauty standards. ----------------------------------------- when you have lived in more than one place, be it a sleepover at a friend's or someone's heart or an actual non-metaphorical house made of concrete walls, you will always long for more. sometimes it will be the people you love, other times it will be material things, the peace and the quiet. ---------------------------------------------------...
Post a Comment
Read more