patronus

You might be a mere collection of buildings, bricks, and concrete for most of the people out there but not for me. you are a living memory capable of stirring the strongest nostalgia waves in me. that's what you are for me. I still remember the first day Abba took me to you, back in 2004. As we turned the corner and your mighty gate became visible, I felt the lump in my throat. I wanted to go back home. 12 years later at home. I wanted to go back to you. You gave me everything from self-confidence to love to heartbreak to life long lessons. you gave me my identity. you turned me into whatever I am today. good or bad; I'm yours. Remember when I used to forget every worry after I entered you. how you embraced me. you were my haven. home away from home, long before I took refuge in books written by strangers. but you were no stranger. you knew me so well as I knew you. you witnessed my transformation into a strong teenager from a fragile dumb four years old. I rememb...

It was a cold November night, a little darker than the rest of them. The moon was struggling to be visible through the clouds. He collapsed on the sofa after a long day. He had this strange habit of sitting on the grey sofa-with turquoise cushions-in his room after he came back home from work, doing nothing, just staring into the void. As if he was trying to assure himself that he was at a safe place now, away from the hassle of the city, away from the chaos of life, the nuisance of responsibilities. He looked around his dimly lit room. The bed, neatly made by his mother after he had left for work in the morning, the bookshelf in the corner, which was evidently running out of space to place his huge collection of books, the table beside his favorite sofa with a water bottle and some essentials, the rug, the windows, and the curtains. He absorbed all this and it started raining as if whatever already resided inside him had clashed with what he was trying to absorb recently. It really ...

Abba had a friend, he was around 40 and he wasn't married. He used to come to our house often in the evening to have tea with Abba and Amma made sure to serve him with 'Ghar ka khana' because he lived alone. I was allowed to give him company if Abba wasn't home. He used to teach me random stuff while we waited for Abba. He taught me grammar, basic math, tables but most importantly he taught me how to tell time. I remember we had this brown square-shaped wall clock in the drawing-room and that man worked so hard to teach my 9-year-old dumb self. I was around 9 and it always felt safe with him. I was allowed to play in the lawn while the gardener did his work. When I think about all this now and I look at my niece who just turned 7, I wonder I was so lucky to have people, even strangers who were noble and honest. I don't know if those times were better or the people were but I do know for sure that my sister won't feel safe leaving my 7-year-ol...

Not all of us get a lot of chances with life. Those who do get a few opportunities often take them for granted or are just simply ungrateful. what I mean is that, at the end of the day, we are all flawed. We think we got the worse but in reality, we all have got something which others desperately want or it might be all they need. Your blessings are their lackings and vice versa. A lot of us understand this, I do too. Some of us accept it as well. What we don't know is how to live with this and not let it affect our lives, our happiness, I don't know either. You need to make peace with the fact that there will ALWAYS be people who'd seem to have a better life than you, more peace, more of whatever you find attractive in life. And you also need to understand that people think the same way about you. You exist to someone you didn't even notice, they want to see you again, you were the best thing that happened to them that day, you were the reason they had a goo...

وو ہار گئی ہیں۔  کوئی کہتا نہیں ہے کیونکہ اس سچ کو بہت سے جھوٹوں نے دھانپا ہوا ہے۔ اکثر لوگوں کو پتا بھی نہیں ہے۔ جِن کو پتہ ہے وہ دل رکھنے کے لئے کچھ نہیں کہتے زندگی نے ان کو ایسے مات دی ہے وہ تھک کے ٹوٹ گئی ہیں مجھے آج بہت حیرت ہوئی جب میں نے انہیں اپنے ٹوٹے ٹکروں کے پاس بڑی ہمت اور امید بھری آنکھوں کے ساتھ بیٹھے دیکھا۔ وہ بڑی مہارت سے ان کو جوڑ رہی تھی، اتنی نفاست سے کہ مجھے اک لمحے کو ایسا لگا جیسے سب ٹھیک ہے۔ عین اس وقت جب سب کو لگا کہ شکست ہو گئی، انہوں نے ہار ماننے سے انکار کر دیا۔ نئی ہمت کے ساتھ پھر کھڑی ہو گئی۔ میں آج اپنے ہی آنسوئوں میں فرق نہیں کر سکی،  پتہ نہیں وہ خوشی کے تھے یا غم کے ۔۔۔

There are days where life weights heavy on my shoulders like a giant rock and I am crushed under the weight, forced into nothingness. I want to go somewhere far far away from here. somewhere very vast and wide where I can't see anything but fresh green plains. and I want to shout at the top of my voice I want to scream so loud that everything inside me flows out with the sound waves I want to get whatever is stuck in my throat for the past couple of days-- out of myself I want to be empty for a while I want the heaviness to be lifted I don't want to see this furniture and luxury around myself I want to be in a forest I want to be as light as a feather

I used to wonder what is my role here. the mere act of staying in this place was against my nature. I couldn't fathom this until today. I realized why He made me stay here despite the fact that I wanted to leave. Allah loved her, He loved her so much that He didn't want her to be alone in all this. she is special and He made sure she didn't suffer alone. I realized this in the second Rakat of my Fajr prayer this morning. and I believed it. it happened for her. not for me. she's the subject here and I would like to believe that Allah used me as a source to not leave one of his beloveds, alone.

Do you ever meet someone and they make you aware of all your flaws, not in a negative way but the deficiencies you can work on, not your acne scars or your hairy arms but your lazy routine and negative mindset because they're so beautiful and positive and actively working on themselves that you cannot help but want to be like them and strive to make yourself a better version of yourself because they make you see all the potential you have because they take care of their body and mind so carefully. because they're not perfect but they try every day to be better than yesterday. I need more people of this kind in my life.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to take care of yourself and I don’t just mean taking care of your hair and skin and feet. I mean taking care of your heart and your mind and what you are feeding them, your alone time, what is it that you are injecting in yourself that will run through your veins and eventually be a part of you and make you, you. Be careful you envy and whom you look up to. Pay heed to where your mind wanders. You are the owner here. Take charge and be the glorious mess YOU want to be because you can. If you look in the mirror and become slightly sad because there is a double chin coming or the jawline is vanishing. Wake up super early and start working out. Sweat away the extra fat which is making you sad.  You are the freaking owner here. You are the person in charge here. Leave the social media which is making you anxious or pushing you in for some unknown competition that you are not ready for, that you did not sign up for. Own yoursel...

Please make sure you are not invading someone's personal space in the name of kindness. be kind towards their boundaries as well.