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CONFESSION 3.0

I don't know how to love loudly. I have not been loved but quietly.
Amma has never been expressive neither about love nor about her pain. She is the strongest woman I know but she's not expressive.
Probably that's where I picked the link between strength and not opening up about your feelings.
I might have learned to link vulnerability with weakness from her.

She has her worries and heartbreaks to process.
The world hasn't been fair to her. I don't think the world has ever been fair to anyone but I've watched her so closely that her pain looks more important than the world's which sounds a little selfish yes. I've grown seeing her smile while her loved ones betrayed her. I've grown seeing Abba being there for her so profoundly yet quietly.
you see the quietness runs in the family.
I witnessed all this while I was growing, developing.

that's how it became a part of me.

While my hands became bigger and fingers longer, my cacoon grew too, in an attempt to build myself a safe castle with strong walls.
I buried my feelings in it. I also buried my ability to trust people in it.

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