patronus

It took me almost three months to finish this book today because of my hectic schedule or maybe because of my terrible time management. The happiness of finishing a book, closing the thick pile of pages, swollen with memories of days spent reading it and absorbing the black words on yellow paper will always be my happy place!                                                                                                                     " شوق کے وقت کو مصروفیت کی دھیمک لگ جائے تو زندگی بڑی بے رنگ ہو جاتی ہے " Just a gentle reminder to never give up on things you love because of busy schedules. It will be your place of comfort after days even months of negligence and it will always be worth it. ...

It's been almost two years since I turned off notifications of all my social media apps and my phone is always on silent mode. Let's not talk about the consequences of it: the sukoon it brings and how annoying it is for my family khair I was sitting with ammi today and there was a notification on her messenger. That specific ring of facebook's messenger brought back so many memories that I left whatever I was doing.  So I am skipping whatever there was to study on today's agenda and listening to strings while I write this.

It takes one person, only one person, a sentence, a few phrases of appreciation to make you believe in yourself again. And I know that most people will say that you yourself can be that one person for yourself but I disagree. Some supports have to be external to be validated. Try to be that person for somebody else.

what if the acceptance makes us settle for less? We are all so damaged that being okay is a luxury. When someone else rants about an assignment, it's almost a ritual to magnify and talk about our own problems as well. No, I'm not talking about 'listening' or 'not being competitive in sharing your problems when someone shares theirs.' I am talking about "trauma and sadness being the constant and comfortable state of my generation"  When walking up for Fajr or not sleeping after fajr or sleeping at time or working out subha subha or going for a walk in the evening or spending time with/cooking for your family is considered an exception when it should be and is a normal, common thing. It's almost like wearing a jacket in summer or idk any other odd thing you can think of. You know when I miss fajr and a friend tells me that she slept at 2am and woke up 2 minutes before class and missed breakfast,, I don't see and recognize the problem, I fail t...

Some people are sent into your life only to make you humble. not because they are better than you but because they're ordinary and they still have control over you. You make these strict promises with yourself of being strong, cold, distant, idk everything in your capacity to keep them away but then something happens, and bang, homeland security on its knees. sorry, ma'am orders from the high above damn it. i know you're not meant for me. will never be. I've worked so hard to make myself this strong. don't make me weak. leave. please.

I spent eid at home after so long, eid in the city I call home!  It was quiet, not as loud and happening as the few past years and it was just me and my parents but it was enough and it was wholesome. It was so energizing I don't know it felt like getting recharged after a long and tiring journey.  I really missed cheese omelets during Ramzan and I wasn't able to adjust them in my Ramzan eating routine but I had Cheese omelet in breakfast today and I swear it was the best cheese omelet I've ever had! Later, my best friend came over and we sat and talked and talked about how shit life has been for the past few months, and believe me just talking about it with something, made things better. It felt like the breeze that was blowing today on my rooftop was magical enough to take all my worries away. We sat on the rooftop on a piece of carpet and floor cushions with pizza and the sawaiyyan that amma made. crazy combo right?  We watched the sky turn pink, purple, and finally or...