Skip to main content

RITUAL


February 1st, 2021
11:28 PM

a notification 
a little frown and smile.
some mist and confusion
I start typing but stop
I'll let him finish
it's probably something serious 
ok it is serious 
he's leaving! 
I ask him to never come back
it's good for me anyway 
then why is my heart getting heavy
and why do I sit up and push the quilt away a little 
its a very cold night btw
I don't care. I pretend. 
M: "Allah hafiz :)" 11:44 pm
H: "chalo yar jesey tum khush" 11:45 pm
I didn't reply. 

Heartbreaks before finals? Not a new thing.

I washed my face with cold water and drank some water. I stood by the dining table barefooted for a few seconds staring into the cold night in my quiet house. I came back to my room. I think a tear or two dropped but it's okay.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2007

i visited my old house today. i think it was the only place i called home with all my heart but maybe that was because that's all i knew back then. i forced my tears back as i found the hole in the backyard wall, i had found a lizard's egg in there once and had been excited for an entire week,  i could still trace out the cracks on the footpath outside the gate because i cycled on it for years trying to keep the wheel on the line. the orange tree that baba planted is now almost 10ft tall and the other tree that our old gardner planted is now double the size.  the new residents are not taking care of the lawn very well, the lokaat tree is uprooted and there are no flowering plants. there is a small bench where we had our dhaniya and podina leaves  the sky was too pretty today and a strong wind blew as i entered the gate, almost like i was in the middle of a movie the neighbor's gate which was our makeshift swing is now gone but the flowers i used as veggies in pretend play...
Post a Comment
Read more

j u n e

Ever since I met you, I walk with my heart in one hand and an ancient dagger in the other.  Blood dripping off, leaving marks, they'd be tough to wash faint rusty stains will linger forever if not crimson and the brown tint will also float amidst the hazel sea --------------------- I don't recognize the figure that stares back at me in the mirror anymore so many lies  lies and lies --------------------- I drew my old home today tried to transfer everything on paper  because I am forgetting the details  details of the only building I called home with all my heart  the heart that I carry in my hand now with blood dripping  I think some of the details dripped there as I made room for the details of your existence  I couldn't remember how long the window from the dining room to the courtyard was and which shelf were the books on  was it the middle one or the last one I think there was a vase with pink flowers in the middle one like the flowers growing...
Post a Comment
Read more

maze

stay.  sit with me let me love you wholeheartedly today, under the sky with the 22nd moon. let me tell u how i'm renaming things, changing meanings My hands smell of garlic, green chilies, and my moisturizer. funny how artificial soups and handwash liquids cant overpower the natural fragrances.  Let's sit on the terrace today or maybe on the couch and keep the windows open. ill tell you about the new eye pencil i used today. it's so bad it smudged under my eyes by the time i came back home, making me look more tired than i already was. I'll make u chaye and make some green tea for myself. I'll wear my favorite socks yes i know it's hot for socks now but i dont care i hope u don't as well. "have you ever been to the beach?" "yes but not the one at home. wo shehr nahi pasand" tell me about your day. how was the traffic and the new restaurant you tried? do you like when your pillow smells like your shampoo or is it too familiar now? were the...
Post a Comment
Read more