patronus

kabhi kabhi zindagi bohat taiz hu jati hai or mein peche reh jati hoon. aese nahi keh mein time py apny kaam nahi karti ya mujh sy time manage nahi huta. aese k mein srf kaam karti hoon or zindagi taizi sy guzarti jati hai. aaj mene glass k bajaye matti k pyaly mein pani piya tu mujhe ehsaas hua k mere zindagi dobara kitni taiz hu gyi hai or mein phir sy peche reh rhi hoon. aese tab bhi hua tha jab mein pehli dfa hostel shift hui thi. mene aj koi assignment nahi bnayi. koi kaam nahi kia. ammi baba k liye khana bnaya or unko khaty hue dekha. ammi ko hair dye dobara lene ki zarorat hai. baba k dant bht pyary hein kaash mere dant b baba jesy huty. mene aj sab chor k zindagi ko mehsooos kia tu wo waqai thuri thehr c gayi hai or mein ab itna pechy nahi hoon jitna kal tak thi. kabhi kabhi race sy nikal kar side py baith jana chahiye. ziada nahi bas ek do din k liye. sab ruk jata hai. acha lagta hai. jo chezein waqai ehem hein, wo nazar any lagti hein.

February 1st, 2021 11:28 PM a notification  a little frown and smile. some mist and confusion I start typing but stop I'll let him finish it's probably something serious  ok it is serious  he's leaving!   I ask him to never come back it's good for me anyway  then why is my heart getting heavy and why do I sit up and push the quilt away a little  its a very cold night btw I don't care. I pretend.  M: "Allah hafiz :)" 11:44 pm H: "chalo yar jesey tum khush" 11:45 pm I didn't reply.  Heartbreaks before finals? Not a new thing. I washed my face with cold water and drank some water. I stood by the dining table barefooted for a few seconds staring into the cold night in my quiet house. I came back to my room. I think a tear or two dropped but it's okay.