patronus

  I always looked down on people who self-harmed. I couldn't help it but then I realized that I self-harm too. The only difference is that what they do is physical and what I do is psychological and emotional. I do stupid things when I'm hurt. Real-time stupid shit with consequence, things I'll have to face and regret later, like aftershocks of an earthquake or more like knocking on doors that should be left untouched. Detaching and degrading myself into the abyss of darkness until I can't see anything at all. Until I'm so tired that I can't do anything but sleep. A disturbing and exhausting sleep. I self harm too, you see. And you know what, the next time you hate someone or something, know that you will face them soon, either through the mirror or through your eyes. Life always has a way of proving us wrong. It's embarrassing because it's so repetitive.

 There are days when asked: what life is, I'd say it's the moments between the bigger and the important moments. Ok, I'll explain. So it's when you stand by the kitchen door waiting for the rolls to be crispy brown. It's not you eating them with chili garlic sauce, it's you waiting for them to be fried. Makes sense? It's the day your niece starts reading Harry Potter from your copy of Philosopher's Stone. It's the lazier days when you eat the leftover papaya with Ammii, just when it's about to rain. It's listening to Anuv Jain while walking around the campus in December. It's not the destination, it's the rasta you see. Days, when you'd describe life referencing some couplets by Faiz and Faraz. But "Some days are just fillers" You know how we always rush to the rooftops on days when the sky is in pretty colors or when the weather is so good but I was thinking what about the days that are so mundane that they sort of take...