patronus

Some days he is overwhelmed and aggressive. He wants it all; everybody's undivided attention. His energy level is so high that he keeps tapping his feet. A sight inconvenience or a couple of more people than usual around him and BOOM! he would explode. He'll need a big fat hug for the insurance that he's back at his safe place and that there is no threat. He'll need a lot of comfort and silence to be calm again. He'll drain you off of all your energy. But you wouldn't mind because it is the mundane stuff. The saddest days are yet to come, and those are when he is lost in his bubble. He wouldn't bother paying attention to anything around him. He wouldn't even make eye contact. He's in another world in those days, and you know, these are the saddest days! These are the days that you dread. The silence is deafening. You need a lot of energy to contain all the excitement that he has on the aggressive days. All his senses a little more sensitive on those ...

I have so much to do. not the sorting of work on my coming week or month or even a year or two's to-do list but generally in life. So many people to make proud. I'm ready to wake up early even in winters. I'm fine with the 9AM classes. I can work hard. I do too. but there is something bothering me for so long...I think I lack the mind to compete with the outer world. I think I'm not intelligent enough. not learned enough. not capable enough,,, all that I've got till now is because of my hard work and luck maybe.  I double myself and what I am.  I don't know how true is that because it's not something you can ask somebody and they'll tell you the truth. It's something I have to learn to live with and not let it affect me. It's something I have to fight with, even if it is true or even if it's just my mind playing tricks on me or the intelligent people around me getting to my head. whatever it is, I ain't letting it come in my way.

standing on the sea-shore last night  stranded after a very tiring fight  I looked up at the sky and  I saw your face  after so long but  you don't bring the comfort as you used to you're a burden now whatever I have left of you the memories and that one notification I'll drop you soon drop you in a lake and wait for you to drown or probably not wait  leave before you're even submerged completely  I'll let the water take you away take you to her away from me  that's how it's meant to end.

We are probably going back home soon. I don't mind that but I made a home out of this place too. The roads and walls and the 4 sets of stairs made me almost lose my knees every day. Lame walks under the yellow lights even 2 hours before assignment submissions. Working tirelessly in the library to achieve my goals and running for food afterward, wasting hours in C1 or NBS ground not caring about my goals the very next day. What about this home then? It gave me so much in so little time. There is not much time left.  All this uncertainty and sadness, it is universal and inevitable at this point but it is a little too much for the little hearts out there. It is like missing out on so much. So much that we could have had. Slipping away...